Let’s talk about emotions: I saw Inside Out last night and (because I love introspection) it taught me a couple of wonderful lessons. *spoiler alert?
- It’s okay to be sad.
- Sadness & happiness can coexist.
- Goofball island is still my favorite.
Right now I’m trying to merge Choose Your Happy Blog and The Wod & Word into one big, happy, all-encompassing blog. MegElkins.com is coming along alright, but ever since I imported all of my posts into the blog I am starting to think–should I have included all of my content? It’s making me sad to see CYH sort of wither, and it’s overwhelming to see all of my content that needs to be reorganized into new categories. My featured images didn’t carry over, so if I want to make all of them have one I need to go into each post and upload it again.
My happiness is tinged with sadness. And that makes me more sad. And also I can’t figure out how to resize my logo so it isn’t jumbo on a desktop but also isn’t cut-off or super tiny on mobile. It looks good on an iPhone, btw. (My New Home, Unofficially Launched)
And then we get to nostalgia, the want for simple times. I’m talking about Oregon Trail.
Bailey posted about Rich’s top 10 accomplishment and a link… I found that link at 11:15pm last night, no joke. So of course I had to play. Don’t fret–I made it to Oregon! My mother and I arrived not without incident. And of course she had to go break her leg 4 days before the end of the trip. Taylor drowned at the first river crossing. Dad died somewhere in the middle of nowhere. And, as you can see below, Bib (the cat) died 1364 days into the trip… took me another 2 months to get to Oregon.
What’s all this rambling about? It’s Oregon Trail! It’s days in grade school, days when the biggest worry I had was if Peter Chau was on the outside for Around The World math flash card game. Days when I spent mots of my time outside playing Runaway with Mary Kay Olive (who deserves an awesome shout-out for continuing her career education as a pediatric ICU cardiologist AND running the Hatfield McCoy half marathon in the scorching heat). Days when Scott Poole ran away from Sacred Heart. Days when I finally got a DOS copy and the source code was bad and the game crashed every time you made it to .
Am I happy where I am in my life today? Yes. Am I happy I didn’t get dysentery? Yes.
Am I sad about the simple days? Yes.
But do my memories put a huge smile on my face? Absofrickinlutely. The brain is a wonderful piece of machinery. The dynamic pace of my brain is sometimes tiring, but during some of those sometimes my brain will recall memories like the Peter Chau one or Math Blaster or getting into trouble for singing Happy Birthday too loud to Jillian Jude. Or making fun of Brandy Freeman and spreading around “Brandy Germs”.
The last sentence brings me to my last point. Sometimes those simple days of Oregon Trail and grade school bring up disappointing memories. The times I just want to go back and punch myself in the face or crawl back to the reading corner and cry. The times when I just can’t seem to shake my stupidity and it eats away at my core.
It’s time to forgive myself.
I’ve publicly declared my apologies to Brandy for being 10-year-old girls. I’ve forgiven (or have I?) middle school “friends” who hurt my feelings too many times for them to even know. But have I ever forgiven myself?
The whole point- it’s time to let my happiness and sadness coexist. It’s time to smile through cholera (it’s what Bib died from), remind myself I am as God made me, and trust that my life is where it should be.